i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We need to get me chipped asap
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
