I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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