Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
