i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
