i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
