I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
