I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
