Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
