if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
