I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize