How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
