I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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