"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize