i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
