She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I forget how to act sober
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize