TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
