Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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