Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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