fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
