Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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