she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
