To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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