I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
