bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
