he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
