Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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