i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize