I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
