forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
