It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize