$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
