Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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