come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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