He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
