I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize