I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You need Xanax blowdarts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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