Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
