After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
