worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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