I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
