Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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