census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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