Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize