in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
