Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
