doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
