can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
