My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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