He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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