There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
