hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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