i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
