He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
