She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
