it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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