If that was your dad, he is hot
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
