Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize