im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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