ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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