Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
