i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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