Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
