Yo dont text me then not text me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
