Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
