Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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