I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
