i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
