Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
