There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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