I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
