is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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