I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
