my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
