You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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