I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have post one night stand depression
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
