Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
did i just pee glitter
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
