i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
