How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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