break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
