so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
