A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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