I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize