Your face is a jimmy john
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bring me that man meat
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
