I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize