Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
