I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
