We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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