When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
