its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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