so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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