weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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