You're my little dorito
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
