I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
