I think I just saw someone hide a body.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
