Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
