I just saw a hot homeless man
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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