I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
