Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
