she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
