who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
