Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
