The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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