I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
