Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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