I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize