please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
